I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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