i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
