those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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