My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
