It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
