I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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