a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He felt like a one man threesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
