i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
