he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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