The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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