I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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