those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
