To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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