is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
