I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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