So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
