Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
