I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
