the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
