She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
third nipple confirmed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
