u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
