How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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