I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
