Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
