just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
