That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
