he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drake has all the answers
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize