dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
