I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
