I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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