You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she pinky promised me she was 18
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
