Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize