I hate all girls vehemently.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
