I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
