i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
