Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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