'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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