It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
