ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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