your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
