she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
