Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
