Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
