Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
