So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
