so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
