I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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