What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
