I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
