is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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