Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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