that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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