My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Green mimosas i think yes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
