Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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