i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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