Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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