if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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