the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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