My first STD was from a foam party
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
