she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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