He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
