We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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