every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
