I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
