so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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